You Might Be a Radical Mom If
A working list of attitudes, beliefs, and unpopular opinions of The Radical Mom
Today’s post come from a truly magnificent radical mom and friend, Amber Adrian. Amber is the brainy lady behind One Tired Mother. Amber is here to take whatever your assumptions are about being a stay-at-home mom, a teacher, a Catholic, a hockey mom, and turn it on its head. Bask in her contrarian spirit and make sure to subscribe.
Motherhood changed everything for me. It put me in touch with myself in ways I don’t think I could have reached otherwise and I’m beyond grateful for it. I can confidently say that motherhood radicalized me.
I have a binder-clipped stack of notecards in my desk drawer, a mad outline for a book I imagined years ago when I was in the thick of figuring out my motherhood identity. The working title was Radical Mom. “Rad” means root in Latin (ahem nerdy former English teacher), so one of its definitions is “of or relating to the origin; fundamental.” The other, of course, is “very different from the usual or traditional” or “wanting extreme change.” Both of these are at play in the phrase for me.
I’ve been thinking about that word, radical, as I’ve recently come across fairly mainstream parenting bloggers or podcasters who also talk about being radicalized since becoming moms. The way they use it seems to be loosely tied to some political beliefs around subsidized healthcare, paid leave, universal daycare, etc. But for me, it goes beyond policy and comes down to principles.
In radical motherhood, the terms of “working mom” and “stay-at-home mom” are irrelevant, as are religious or political beliefs. Radical moms are a new breed of mothers that exist outside of these boring and antiquated labels. A radical mom is a woman who does not accept the current norms of motherhood. While we are inside modern culture, we're not of it.
There’s a whole bunch of us. Here’s a list of qualities, attitudes, and opinions I see in myself and in other radical moms I know.
You Might Be a Radical Mom if…
You see motherhood as empowering, not oppressive. You reject the vibe that motherhood is embarrassing or uncool.
You’re don’t act like a man anymore. Motherhood has helped you see the privilege of being a woman.
Being a mother may have not been a big life aspiration, but now that you are one you’re like I AM LITERALLY AMAZING.
You’re proud of your female body and its capacity. You don’t hide your pregnant belly or feel shame about your postpartum body.
You’re also, like, into your female biology in general. Hormones, wombs, cycles, fertility – you dig it all.
You’re a birth nerd. You think birth belongs to women, and you see how it’s been stolen and made into something it was never supposed to be by a system ruled by money and convenience and fear.
Despite any challenges you had, you think breastfeeding is beautiful, powerful, and— contrary to a lot of cultural messaging—supports of mental health.
When considering the realities of motherhood, you think women matter, not just children. But you also think children matter, not just women.
You know that babies don’t need to “learn” things and three-year-olds don’t need friends. You know what they actually need is their parents’ presence, awe and delight.
You proudly breastfeed in public and are thrilled to see other women doing the same (despite it feeling radical, you know that feeding a baby the way all mammals do is, uh, normal).
You loathe companies and industries that harm mothers and babies and make money doing it.
Doctors and nurses don’t intimidate you. You know how to safely co-sleep and that propaganda in the pediatrician’s office pisses you off.
You don’t do the husband-bashing thing. You’re committed to cultivating a solid partnership and building a life where you both contribute in ways that have equal value but will never look exactly the same.
You see children as whole people who deserve to be welcomed and accommodated in both private and public spaces.
You know that in contrast to our culture where the highest value is productivity and achievement one can see and celebrate, motherhood asks us to get comfortable with intangible results of mostly invisible work. You feel “unproductive” a lot of the time, but a deeper knowing tells you it’s okay and right and good.
You have no big fear of “losing yourself in motherhood.” In fact, you’re kind of into losing yourself, because how else can you transform and evolve?
You don’t see food and cooking as an inconvenience to real life; you see it as the center of real life. You find joy in nourishing your family (despite how OVER IT you sometimes feel).
You value creating a home and a slow, home-centered life, not a life where everyone is running to different places and using their house to mostly watch TV and sleep.
You’ve released your desire to be liked and understood by everyone. You’ve let motherhood grow you up.
You lost some people when their desires or expectations of you no longer worked for you in your new role. And you’re more than okay with it.
You know kids aren’t a hindrance to your ambitions—they’re a reason to pursue them (just maybe not right now).
You want to change the world, and you know that real change happens in ourselves and our homes.
Now that you know what you know about motherhood, you see lies and bullshit everywhere and you want to help other women see what you see.
You?
There’s something else too about the phrase “radical mom,” something cheeky. A word that implies intensity and intellect and a spirit of rebellion next to a word that mostly brings up images of decidedly uncool things like diapers and goldfish and unflattering pants.
I’m into it.
What do you think? Are you a Radical Mom™?
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my favorite was: “ When considering the realities of motherhood, you think women matter, not just children. But you also think children matter, not just women. “ 💟
Love this!