Can the Trad Wife and Lefty Mom be Friends?

Hear me out, friendo.

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The Internet can be a white hot furnace filled with dog shit most of the time, but other times it can be a fairly lovely place to mingle with like minded lactivists, hobbyists, Swifties, sleeper cells, dorks, weirdos, and, of course, hot singles in your area looking to hook up.

Since becoming a mom, I’ve found myself being the MOST intrigued by the tribe of women I always wrote off as retrograde: Rightward-leaning-libertarian-trad-wives-with-semi-to-full-blown-religious-tendencies-and-small-children! Ladies, I dig all your wheat colored content: the homeschooling, the unschooling, the homesteading, the lactating, the home birthing, the Genesis quotes in the caption of your baby goat pics. I 👏EAT👏 THAT 👏SHIT👏 UP.

Mmmmm quilts

I find myself having so much more in common with moms who put “Jesus is King” in their Instagram bios than moms who list their pronouns.

Despite being a card-carrying member of Planned Parenthood, me and the Christian homemakers are VIBING. More and more, I can see a shared set of values emerging: deep and direct investment in our own families. Reverence for our ability to nurture, inspire, and love.  Birthing and raising children is a transcendent endeavor that has so much more value than anything that could be achieved in a workplace.

This work that that we’re engaged in, the work of creating future adults, there is nothing more important.

Esther Sarto

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So maybe we have more in common than we previously thought?

Maybe… we could team up?

Swap some jam recipes and take back birth and parenting away from the snares of profit driven markets? Maybe we could rescue a younger generation from the hollowness of hook-up culture and model something more meaningful than working for a useless corporation that will only give you 12 weeks of maternity leave and make you pump in a closet?

Ok, so, cards the table: while the title of this piece says ‘lefty’ I think the divisions around Right and Left are due for a TECTONIC realignment. It’s mostly just a shorthand way to say I believe that in a country of such abundance:

•  It’s the government’s job to provide a robust social safety net for vulnerable citizens

• No one should go broke because they get sick

• Men and women should have equal political rights and protection

• There should be more democracy not less, more press freedoms not less, more wealth redistribution not less

• I’m also a dyed-in-the-wool atheist and I’m horny for workers’ rights.

DON’T GO YET

I think the beautiful and eccentric horseshoe that has religious, homemaking, anti-vax, goat milking, breastfeeding moms on one end and the godless, homesteading, Dr. Sears endorsed, unschooling moms on the other end, could be powerful if hurdled full force at systems that have us divided.

So, look, I have a proposal: let our two tribes drop out of this insane culture war and do some real work on behalf of moms and their babies!

Could we do it? Could we be bonded by our values against a system that entirely devalues us mothers?

Skeptical? Let me list all the things we agree on!

We both think women’s bodies are MIRACLES

You might think the incredible feats of motherhood and childbirth were created by a divine hand or are the product of 200,000+ years of evolution that nourished the perfect system of mom and baby dyad. Tomay-to / Tomah-to! We agree this whole divine and simultaneously ordinary process of birth that happens every moment, all over the world, is the peak of human existence. To look at a child’s eyelashes is enough to make you whimper in reverence.  It is sacred, it is cosmic, it belongs to women who are in themsselves perfect and need no help to be the perfect home for their babies.

Homeschooling and Unschooling is COOL

Schools as we know them have existed for a very short time. They are a vast social experiment and here in the United States I think we can pretty much agree that this experiment is failing. Kids sit inside all day, they are taught about the outside world without interacting with it, teachers are expected to be educators, parents, and social workers. It’s a one-size-fits all system that’s turned into a bureaucratic maw with terrible outcomes.  Take all this and add active shooter drills and I believe that devoted parents can do a better job educating their kids than what’s currently on offer.

Men and Women are Different and that is GREAT

Women have a unique lived experience shaped by our biology. To say that a woman crouched in the corner, tearing herself open to give life, is somehow a ‘social construct’  is not only foolish but callous. There are essential elements to being a woman; they are few, but they are profound, and they impact the way we interact with the world. You may say, “wait, that’s not the accepted liberal line.” Don't be so sure.

We Are Not in the Business of Reforming Men

Let’s not get hung up on the various iterations of feminism or whatever 14th wave Gen Zers are currently riding their e-scooters on. It comes down to this: We can spend our time policing men, engaging in a grim battle over mansplaining, manspreading, cat calling, microaggressions, etc. Or we can spend our time empowering women. For me? I believe in building power with WOMEN. I spend time with men who share my values and frankly I’m uninterested in doing anything with men who don’t. Life is too short! 

Our Food Supply is a Diseased Nightmare

How fucked up is our whole food supply issue? Talk about no respect for the sanctity of life! Cows knee deep in their own shit, chickens throbbing with hormones that go right into the nuggets our children eat off the floor (HAR HAR HAR A MEME), why is there seed oil in BREAD? This current horror show is bad for everyone. Food should come from gardens, local farms, and forests. It should be free of poison, hormones and SEEEED OILLLLLL OH MY GOD IT’S IN EVERYTHING!!!!

A Mostly Chill Attitude about Guns

I’ll be brief on this because this whole conversation can really go sideways. Guns are a problem, but they are not THE problem. If you were to ban assault rifles tomorrow, there would still be school shootings and gun violence because our society breeds disconnection from family, soul, and health.  Throw guns into that void and you have the demonic murder lottery we’re currently living through. 

Ok are you digging what I’m putting down so far?

Alright let’s talk about the giant elephant with an unexpected pregnancy in the room. 

Truce on Abortion?

Listen, you’re a smart lady so I’ll level with you. I think for women to be truly free in this society they need to have complete power over their bodies and that means easy access to abortion. 

And it’s likely we’ll never find common ground on this issue and that’s fine. I think our shared values are enough to go detente on the abortion issue. Abortion can continue to be the issue that divides us, keeps us on opposite sides fighting about bullshit concocted by male politicians to sway the Retired Pipefitters of Idaho vote. When mothers are so bitterly divided, children lose. We can tear each other apart over abortion, sex ed, face masks in schools, drag queen story time

Or…

We cross that divide and build a movement that empowers mothers, invests directly in children, cherishes attachment over independence, biological needs over cultural demands, that rejects the poisonous run off from corporations and greed, and has a bunch of adorable baby goats along the way?

You had me at “quilts”

Could we do it? Could we amass a movement of mothers who are nimble and responsive to threats? Who can start to weave the safety net for postpartum moms that larger society refuses to? Can we take birth back? Can we take parenting back? Can we take collective responsibility for the well-being of each other’s children? Can we be the generation that does it?

Can I count on you? Friend?