What Sex and the City Taught Me about Breastfeeding

It sucks.

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I am NOT ashamed to tell you that I learned so much from this ridiculous premium cable show. For instance:

• If he’s not calling you, he’s not interested.

• Never date a writer with a poorly selling novel.

• Sometimes there’s a greater attraction to some one unattainable because the suffering is so exquisite, so you get into a punishing cycle of pain and reward.

It was also my first exposure to breastfeeding. I’m an (adorable) only child so I didn’t grow up watching any infant getting nursed. Sure, occasionally in the wild, I’d see a mom holding a baby to her breast but I knew nothing of latching, nipples, or milk.

I only saw this episode (‘Anchors Away’ Season 5) once but the 💫VIBE💫 was seared into my psyche. I remember the discomfort, the sadness, the swelling— all of it made me squirm.

Maybe some nursing mothers saw themselves in postpartum Miranda but in this scene you’re meant to experience this moment as Carrie, in her horror: watching a cosmo swilling litigator reduced to an animal state.

Anatomy of a Breastfeeding Scene

In the series, we typically always see Miranda in chic and streamlined outfits but when she opens the door for Carrie, she’s half clothed. Miranda has one of those tube-shaped androgynous bodies, with small, pert breasts. Now she appears in a nursing ‘brassiere’ that looks downright orthopedic with it’s strange medical utilitarian straps and cups.

Carrie, looking girlish and trim in Necco wafer pink, is recounting Charlotte’s observation that women are only entitled to two great loves in their life. Miranda starts reaching for the bra clasp. Clock the apprehension, the disbelief, and over-all queasiness on Carrie’s face:

And here it comes (NSFW):

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Boom! I remember being stunned at this close up.

The blue vascular trails, the erect nipple, the weird bra harness. What was happening?! Now, of course, I think most newborn nursing mothers would kill for nickel-sized nipples shaded such flattering peach color. If you don’t know, as I didn’t, your nipples take on a brownish hue in the last weeks of pregnancy.

A Eulogy to the Friendships I Lost to Motherhood

Miranda starts to fumble and apologize.

And then:

This line actually seized on an ancient fear of mine: having weird looking breasts that call attention to themselves. Like uneven sizes or googly-eyed nipples pointing in different directions. But also, Carrie is in MIRANDA’S living room!! They aren’t at austere brunch spot in *~*The Village~*~, if you can’t be at home with your weird tits out to feed your kid then what’s the point of being an American?? Christ!

Miranda finally gets her son to latch, she sighs in relief, ready to hear about the great mimosa fueled epiphanies of Carrie Bradshaw. But that’s when Carrie decides to book it! It’s as though Miranda has crossed the rubicon into motherhood and she is beyond Carrie’s reach.

Miranda begs Carrie to stay but she demurs, she gives Miranda a reassuring hug goodbye.

So much discomfort with undercurrents of repulsion!

What I took away from this is that breastfeeding is weird and freaks people out, even your closest friends. Perhaps that’s why Emily Oster locked herself in a 100 degree closet during a wedding so as not to disturb the other guests.

And, look, I don’t look to expect horny premium cable shows to be responsible for teaching young women that breastfeeding is beautiful and biologically normal. Sadly, what I think this scene depicts, is how MOST people would feel around a nursing mother. I know that during the first weeks of having my daughter I would go into a separate room to nurse when friends and family were over because I didn’t want to make anyone feel weird about my Oreo sized nipples. Once I learned more about lactation and how it’s likely the reason mammals were able to take over the world, I chilled out and let the girlies free.

Recently, I attended my husband’s law school graduation with my toddler and in an auditorium surrounded by families, students, and strangers, this was me: