The Strange Politics of Feeding Your Toddler
When homemade cereal is a pipeline to insurrection
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Do you know about Donut Mom?
Her name is Alexandra Sabol and her viral star is on the rise for the unfiltered and unenthusiastic way she feeds her young children.Â
While much of the toddler food content you see on social media focuses on cutesy, colorful plates of food to lure picky kiddos into eating SOME sort of healthy food, Donut Mom takes a hard right.
âPlate my 1 year oldâs breakfast with me,â the text says in her most infamous Tik-Tok clip. Sabol stands at a harshly lit counter, blank faced, and chucks a pink plastic plate at the camera. She places three Hostess powdered donuts on it. Breathing heavily, her glasses sliding off her face, she slices them up with a plastic spoon. Then she unscrews an applesauce pouch and smears it on the plate before handing it to her toddler.
The online reaction has been immense. Donut mom has been spoofed, stitched, excoriated, and defended (sheâs also in a throuple with a man and another womanâ who has children of her own, what a time to be alive!) .
If you scroll through the comments you will, of course, find a fair amount of disgust and horror but also an equal if not greater amount of supportive comments. Such as:
âKeep doing an amazing job momma!â
âAny breakfast is better than no breakfast tbhâ
âYour kids are going to have a great relationship with food when they get older. Ur doing good mama!â
âMy daughterâs pediatrician simply stated âat this point, whatever sheâll eat.â And I take that to heart. Fed is Bestâ
I was unaware of the fact the âfed is bestâ crowd had moved on to the post-formula ages. Donut mom has garnered one think-ish piece, defending her, opening with the line âNo one's ever taken their kid to Dunkin on a Sunday morning?â
I have to admit when I saw Donut mom, I felt horror about what she was feeding her kids but Iâve fed things to my own kids for breakfast that Iâm not proud of. We were doing canned cinnamon rolls occasionally for a month or so. Thatâs no different than the donuts. I could either side with donut mom and say âfed is bestâ or take a look at ways I could try to improve my kids diet. When you feel guilt or shame itâs a great opportunity to investigate your own bullshit!
So I used that as a jumping off point to prioritize healthier options in my kidsâ diets. Theyâre not perfect, because theyâre pretty picky, but I know I can do better than canned cinnamon rolls.Â
Letâs keep following the Tik-Tok train to what would arguably be considered the antithesis of Donut Mom and that is the 22-year old pregnant, Mormon mom of 2, Nara Smith. I donât know what youâre picturing when you read the phrase 22-year old pregnant mom of 2 but itâs probably not a 5â11 runway model dressed in lingerie or evening gowns making mozzarella cheese from scratch. But thatâs what youâll find on Nara Smithâs Tik-Tok page.Â
Move over Ballerina Farms, thereâs a new tradwife turning heads on main and the hot takes have been shooting up from the content pits of hell!
âI asked my toddlers what they wanted for lunch and they said grilled cheese so I got right to work making my breadâŠ.â one Smithâs videos starts. She narrates making both bread and cheese from scratch in a breathy monotone. She adds rennet to her cheese curds while her svelte baby bump pokes out of her designer dress. Smith exerts minimal effort in the video as if to say, What? you donât curdle your own milk?
Smithâs videos also feature her baking in (very expensive) pajamas, sipping coffee while staring vaguely outside a window, add lots of smoldering in beige minimalist settings.
The comments on Nara Smithâs videos are almost uniformly incredulous.Â
âLaughing out loud at the dress. Girl you are pregnant put some fucking sweatpants onâ
âNara cooking from scratch in $500 dollar dresses is absolutely propagandaâ
âSomethings off about her life, idkâ
âDo you ever just eat some Dino nuggets?
âKids hungry AF by the time youâre doneâ
Meanwhile, Smith has never stated any sort of position on anything remotely political, religious, or really about anything beyond how to make homemade cereal (I used her recipe! My kids still didnât eat it!). Nevertheless, the commentariat has accused Smith of âsellingâ a type of âfemale slaveryâ which is âracially codedâ and that she is becoming a figurehead for âalt-right propaganda.â
Girl, sheâs just baking bread! Of all the insidious shit going down on the internet, you think videos of women making lasagna are some secret pipeline to alt-right extremist views?
Even more disorienting, is the ONSLAUGHT of legacy media pieces trying to parse the meaning of Smith's very existence: Rolling Stone, People, New York Magazine, New York Post have all churned out âarticlesâ analyzing Smith.
Why doesnât Donut mom earn this level of scrutiny and frothy obsession? What is so offensive about Nara Smith making homemade grilled cheese and cereal? Why does she have every âculture analystâ in a tizzy trying connect sourdough bread with the revocation of abortion rights?
Why arenât the same conjectures and political assumptions made about a mother in middle America who feeds her kids junk food and is in a polycule? IS SHE THE FUTURE LIBERALS WANT? Will she vote how Taylor Swift tells her to? Is she a corn syrup psy-op? Is this the future of feminism: communal, carb heavy, open relationships??
People defend Donut mom but they hate Nara Smith. Why?  It could be our own jealousy over Smith, our pity for Sabol, the class dynamics, the body fat index or maybe itâs because our society has an extremely dysfunctional relationship with food and where it comes from. Particularly the food we feed our young children, whether itâs breast, bottle or beyond. America has no real food traditions and if you think about it the ones we do have are pretty messed up.
What is considered traditional American food? And does that tradition come out of the crops we grow and the seasons when those crops thrive? Most Americans donât know much about the seasonality of foods because they can get imported mangoes in a Milwaukee supermarket in January. Â
We werenât taught by our grannies to turn masa into tortillas; or how to perfect and deepen a perfect Sunday sauce by our Italian grandfather. Many Americans are scarfing down fast food in the car while scrolling their phones. People are obese yet nutritionally deficient. Calories are cheap!
Meanwhile if youâre trying to cook 30 to 35 meals a week, while having a 9-5 job, or caring for small children, and making sure those meals arenât filled with LEAD or DISEASE it costs a FORTUNE. Then thereâs whole swaths of people that can't even access grocery stores with whole, real foods. Food banks are giving out garbage to people who need healthy food THE MOST. And THATâS SHITTY! OF COURSE WEâRE MAD! We SHOULD have better food traditions. We SHOULD be teaching our children the importance of knowing how your food is made and where it comes from.Â
And maybe when we see women like Nara Smith who lucked into an income bracket that allows her the time and space to devote to cooking her children good food we lose our shit because WHY HER AND WHY NOT US?
Which brings up back Donut Momâs poorly lit kitchen. Between the two, Iâm fairly certain every woman would choose Smithâs life again and again, but seeing what is so unrealistic for so many and what we all deserve but canât have is just too depressing sometimes. I guess so many people like Donut mom because she is just giving us what we want: a way to feel better about ourselves.Â
Honestly, I wish people would just admit that they hate on the things they know they should likely be doing - but donât - or canât (for whatever reason). Itâs easier to relate to and defend an overweight, poor mom than it is a middle-class, Utah tradwife who makes her own bread.
Being a new-ish mama at 17 months postpartum, who also works a 9-5 job, this is something I think about on a daily basis and try to find a realistic middle ground on.
My daughter has eczema as well as several food allergies (peanuts, tree nuts, milk protein, eggs) so shopping for her is very restrictive to begin with. On top of that, I buy mostly organic. I spend a ton of time reading labels, using apps like Yuka, and diving into research on all things clean, non-toxic, etc as much as I can.
But, *gasp* she occasionally has chicken tenders and fries for dinner, too.
It's a shame that the internet, and social media in particular, can sometimes bring out the worst in people. Instead of opening their minds to something different, something new, they lash out. It reminds me of how when someone dares to post weight loss transformation photos, they are often instantly accused of fatphobia, because they bring to light an uncomfortable truth.
As they say, a hit dog will holler.