In the trenches of year 1 of homeschooling here😮💨😄 I will say that I had sort of bought into the hype of public schools (all schools really) being shit and pedestaling homeschooling… then I had the chance to teach part-time at one of our local elementary schools last year. I was surprised at how quality it was! Dont get me wrong - I was a teacher too and the system is soooo jacked up in all the ways you said and more. And I still wuit that teaching job to homeschool. But I do think schools vary wildly in quality depending on many factors and even classroom to classroom kids can get super different experiences. And the broad fear-mongering about public schools stresses thoughtful parents out and I think is ultimately unhelpful. Homeschool if you can. If you can’t, find a school that you’re ok with. Take it year by year, even semester by semester. It’s gonna be ok. 🤷🏼♀️
Great points Amber. I’d also just add homeschool if you want not just if you can. It's not a vocation for every parent/family! Love your nuanced thoughts — the fear mongering truly isn't helpful!
I love reading about school experiences. There are always so many reasons why people feel the way that they do about schooling and the school system. There are so many different types of people and families in the world, that the perspectives always have invaluable insight for me.
Personally—the school system, and all it represents, is the thorn that never left my side.
I have 2 kids (7.5/3.5 roughly) and I knew I’d homeschool before she was born…but I never thought of it as ‘homeschooling’. The way I thought of it was, ‘I’m not sending our kids to a mini-prison’. Projection, yes I know, but it’s protective! Lol.
I just wanted my kids to have access to me, access to their home and freedom to do what they needed to, when they needed to (like eat, pee, sleep, speak, run, jump, sing — all things kids get in trouble for at school, if it doesn’t happen in the designated time allotment for said activity).
I'm even a big advocate of the concept of natural learning and unschooling -- but, like many other parents, I have mixed feelings about not being a part of the school community...
I feel that the original idea for the community schoolhouse was a great one!
You send your kids down the road w/ all the other kids and they learn how to read and count, plus parents get a break and they get to be around a bunch of their peers at one --but it wasn't for the whole day and week, they gotta get back home to do chores and be involved in family life! The parents know the teacher(s), classrooms aren't overflowing, and teachers aren't burdened with doing the actual raising of the kids (like they are today).
I'm not even trying to say that school would be good if it were idyllic...I'm saying that school would be positive if it were simplified, reduced to it’s essential function and not overburdened by the expectation that teachers become parents to so many kids, off-and-on, every day, all year long.
I would LOVE the opportunity to participate in a community school situation. The problems that make that impossible are as follows:
1. both public/private schools will not allow for creative scheduling. 5 days per week/7-8 hours per day/10 months out of the year is ABSOLUTELY ABSURD. This is the main reason why I homeschool. Especially when kids are younger and have an introverted brain — the amount of time spent is unacceptable and I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but most of that time isn't spent learning (just like you said). So the justification that parents give for the amount of time spent is there, is baseless.
It's ironic that adults complain about how we don't have good work-life balance re: work hours, lack of flexibility and overall 9-5 design but don't realize that we're expecting developing children to do just that. So many people are outspoken about how they wanna be home more and then they send their kids to school every day.
This creates a problem for all children who feel most safe and free at home BUT especially for the kids who aren't dandelions. The kids who do better in smaller groups, with quiet, minimal stimulation and more self-authority to do what they need to, alone. It breaks my heart for all the little introverts, highly sensitives and adhd types...(surprise, surprise I was the kid that was all 3). I speak from first-hand experience that I suffered greatly from being forced to be out in the world, surrounded by people and rules all.fucking.day.long. I can say with some amount of certainty, that I my potential was capped because of it.
Overall, this is just not a healthy amount of time being spent focusing on memorizing things, following rules, doing busy work and orienting to strangers, acquaintances & not-parents (to the parents, many of the people their kids interact with at school are definitional strangers or acquaintances). Think about it, how well do you actually know your kids' friends, their parents and home lives? their teachers and their backgrounds? the various admin/staff? all the other kids, older and younger that they interact with/are influenced by? And this isn’t your community schoolhouse, this is a large-scale school. This is NOT fear-mongering, either. This is the sheer reality of our pluralistic-society-capitalism-prioritizing-American school system.
2. American public schools serve as damage control for society's problems and us adults need to be fixing these issues FOR the kids, not forcing the kids to face them at such a young age. Just like you said, Andrea, classrooms are microcosms of society and it ain't looking good. I absolutely do not think that all kids, of all ages, need to be exposed to all of these problems — it’s inappropriate and we should be prioritizing the kids having to deal with such issues in a specialized way — not shove everyone in a room together and pretend they’re all having the same daily life experience. Some kids NEED more outside support than others!
If your child isn’t one that needs all those hours of caregiving cuz you can’t provide it, then I’d challenge parents to reassess their choices. Parents created this life (child), so the parents’ influence should be dominant in their lives. Children spending most of their waking hours getting ready for school, being at school then doing homework or extracurriculars and getting ready for school the next day, means that the parents’ weekly influence on the child is greatly minimized. It’s giving: it’s not my job to pay attention to you all day. (BTW, I def believe in creative support for parents, but the school system isn’t it).
The other part of this argument: some families truly need to use this resource--whether it's temporarily or for the long-haul. The rest of us that do not truly need it, must do a better job at intentionally raising our kids! Whether that's by engaging the system and making it a better place for all involved OR by opting out and making space for those that truly need it. This is where my altruistic-we're-all-interconnected-and-we-all-affect-one-another worldview comes in. We weren't put on this earth to just think of what works for us but to be in active brotherhood/sisterhood with all of humanity. The sooner we see how we treat our kids as sacred, the sooner we treat all kids as if they're our nieces/nephews, the sooner we heal these deep wounds in our society AND start producing healthy, well-rounded healers into the next generation.
3. For many parents, schools serve the same purpose as daycares and I think normalizing this is one of our gravest mistakes as a culture. It goes hand-in-hand w/ modern feminism pushing women to separate from their babies in order to stay ahead in their career.
Parenthood forces you to face yourself, improve yourself, rise to the occasion. I believe that daycares and schools (state-funded daycares) are totally opportunities to escape that. However, since it’s seen as a completely normal and acceptable thing to send your kids to both places, it’s impact —stunting your growth as a parent and person, limiting your relationship to your kids — isn’t obvious to most parents. I think the decision to homeschool in our modern society is positive for that reason alone. It forges parents who can handle hard things, who act as that safe space for their kids, who is paying attention when they take risks, who keeps track of what’s going on, who is noting down subtle changes or things to look out for, who is familiar w/ everyone their kids engage with. It’s an act of defiance against the machine that prioritizes riches and power over humanity.
I genuinely believe that —in this day and age —homeschool child-rearing must be superior to public school child-rearing. Of course, this hinges on heaving a healthy homeschool parent —but, if there were ever a reason to get your head on straight, being responsible for raising your kid well is probably the best and definitely the most worthy reason on Earth!
4. Public schools rules/regulations/standards/goals are not determined with much parental input. This is where that good old controversial curriculum comes in. It's where parents fight about critical race theory. It's the whole pledge of allegiance debate. Its the bathroom argument. When kids are at school, they’re not only learning a bunch of ideas that you may/may not agree with, they’re also being taught how to think/act —what thoughts and feelings are acceptable, how to orient yourself to authority, what instincts you should follow and which to suppress, how to see certain people groups, where they fall in the hierarchy of society, etc. If you have certain beliefs about how the world works and they, in any way differ from your child’s daily school experience, I’d think twice about how much time I want them there absorbing it and having it psychologically and socially reinforced.
References: I went to public school my whole life. I've been a private K assistant, after school 'teacher' and daycare worker.
I was homeschooled K-12 and I honestly am really glad I didn’t have to deal with a traditional school environment as a kid. I’m going back to school now to finish my bachelors. I appreciate the fact that because I wasn’t exposed to traditional schooling young, I can sit back and notice the stuff in the system that’s BS without it actually impacting me emotionally. It’s important to know how to navigate systems, but I see people have their whole identity wrapped up in them sometimes and it can be very unhealthy.
I was homeschooled through 7th grade and then went to private schools. Both were mixed experiences. I enjoyed homeschooling more, but I think I was going to be miserable in high school either way and don't think it would have been better to have continued homeschooling.
I approve of homeschooling, and in many ways that's where my heart (and parenting style) are. But I've sent my oldest to public school for K and 1st, and plan to continue that unless it stops working well.
Reasons I wish I were homeschooling:
- school is too long
- school has too many screens
- school doesn't have enough recess
- he is ahead of his peers in math and reading despite joining the 2nd grade class for math
Reasons public school is still our default plan:
- we want to facilitate friendships with the neighborhood kids, who mostly go there
- it's supposedly a good school
- he seems to actually like it
- I have two younger kids at home and will probably have one more, and my husband and I both have marginal health, so I don't have any extra spoons right now
- he is pretty obstinate and dreamy; I'm tired of being the bad cop for even basic tasks, and would prefer to delegate that role for schoolwork rather than adding to my list of tasks to get him to do while he drags his feet. I feel like my relationship with my mother suffered for this reason when I was homeschooled.
But who knows what kids #2-4 will need. We will take it one year at a time. And it's nice to know that if school ever doesn't work out, whether due to bullying or special needs or another pandemic, homeschooling is always a backup plan that I already have some affinity and resources for.
We home educate/unschool after a short stint in school, and although my children are happy I just don't feel like it's a solution to the wider issue of building education that is respectful of children, that centres their rights and personhood, and is relevant to their daily lives. Not to put you off at all! We love this life, and it has worked for us so far. But I feel all sorts of ways about how we build a system that is viable for most people. Best of luck!
Appreciated this post. My wife and I are believers in public education, and she currently teaches. But it's frustrating as a parent. Last year we really liked our school, then they closed a nearby-but-troubled school and sent the students over to us — which, great, we all want them to succeed. But our school has clearly been underprepared for the influx and now the entire thing is suffering. And then there's just the ordinary frustrations, like our kid's teacher ducking out for what seems like most of the year for a surgery — an understandable thing for the teacher, but also what do you do if you end up with a rotating cast of subs for months on end? It all starts adding up as you watch your kid becoming increasingly disengaged with their education. And I can only imagine what it's like for teachers in the actual trenches.
In the trenches of year 1 of homeschooling here😮💨😄 I will say that I had sort of bought into the hype of public schools (all schools really) being shit and pedestaling homeschooling… then I had the chance to teach part-time at one of our local elementary schools last year. I was surprised at how quality it was! Dont get me wrong - I was a teacher too and the system is soooo jacked up in all the ways you said and more. And I still wuit that teaching job to homeschool. But I do think schools vary wildly in quality depending on many factors and even classroom to classroom kids can get super different experiences. And the broad fear-mongering about public schools stresses thoughtful parents out and I think is ultimately unhelpful. Homeschool if you can. If you can’t, find a school that you’re ok with. Take it year by year, even semester by semester. It’s gonna be ok. 🤷🏼♀️
Great points Amber. I’d also just add homeschool if you want not just if you can. It's not a vocation for every parent/family! Love your nuanced thoughts — the fear mongering truly isn't helpful!
I love reading about school experiences. There are always so many reasons why people feel the way that they do about schooling and the school system. There are so many different types of people and families in the world, that the perspectives always have invaluable insight for me.
Personally—the school system, and all it represents, is the thorn that never left my side.
I have 2 kids (7.5/3.5 roughly) and I knew I’d homeschool before she was born…but I never thought of it as ‘homeschooling’. The way I thought of it was, ‘I’m not sending our kids to a mini-prison’. Projection, yes I know, but it’s protective! Lol.
I just wanted my kids to have access to me, access to their home and freedom to do what they needed to, when they needed to (like eat, pee, sleep, speak, run, jump, sing — all things kids get in trouble for at school, if it doesn’t happen in the designated time allotment for said activity).
I'm even a big advocate of the concept of natural learning and unschooling -- but, like many other parents, I have mixed feelings about not being a part of the school community...
I feel that the original idea for the community schoolhouse was a great one!
You send your kids down the road w/ all the other kids and they learn how to read and count, plus parents get a break and they get to be around a bunch of their peers at one --but it wasn't for the whole day and week, they gotta get back home to do chores and be involved in family life! The parents know the teacher(s), classrooms aren't overflowing, and teachers aren't burdened with doing the actual raising of the kids (like they are today).
I'm not even trying to say that school would be good if it were idyllic...I'm saying that school would be positive if it were simplified, reduced to it’s essential function and not overburdened by the expectation that teachers become parents to so many kids, off-and-on, every day, all year long.
I would LOVE the opportunity to participate in a community school situation. The problems that make that impossible are as follows:
1. both public/private schools will not allow for creative scheduling. 5 days per week/7-8 hours per day/10 months out of the year is ABSOLUTELY ABSURD. This is the main reason why I homeschool. Especially when kids are younger and have an introverted brain — the amount of time spent is unacceptable and I hate to burst anyone's bubble, but most of that time isn't spent learning (just like you said). So the justification that parents give for the amount of time spent is there, is baseless.
It's ironic that adults complain about how we don't have good work-life balance re: work hours, lack of flexibility and overall 9-5 design but don't realize that we're expecting developing children to do just that. So many people are outspoken about how they wanna be home more and then they send their kids to school every day.
This creates a problem for all children who feel most safe and free at home BUT especially for the kids who aren't dandelions. The kids who do better in smaller groups, with quiet, minimal stimulation and more self-authority to do what they need to, alone. It breaks my heart for all the little introverts, highly sensitives and adhd types...(surprise, surprise I was the kid that was all 3). I speak from first-hand experience that I suffered greatly from being forced to be out in the world, surrounded by people and rules all.fucking.day.long. I can say with some amount of certainty, that I my potential was capped because of it.
Overall, this is just not a healthy amount of time being spent focusing on memorizing things, following rules, doing busy work and orienting to strangers, acquaintances & not-parents (to the parents, many of the people their kids interact with at school are definitional strangers or acquaintances). Think about it, how well do you actually know your kids' friends, their parents and home lives? their teachers and their backgrounds? the various admin/staff? all the other kids, older and younger that they interact with/are influenced by? And this isn’t your community schoolhouse, this is a large-scale school. This is NOT fear-mongering, either. This is the sheer reality of our pluralistic-society-capitalism-prioritizing-American school system.
2. American public schools serve as damage control for society's problems and us adults need to be fixing these issues FOR the kids, not forcing the kids to face them at such a young age. Just like you said, Andrea, classrooms are microcosms of society and it ain't looking good. I absolutely do not think that all kids, of all ages, need to be exposed to all of these problems — it’s inappropriate and we should be prioritizing the kids having to deal with such issues in a specialized way — not shove everyone in a room together and pretend they’re all having the same daily life experience. Some kids NEED more outside support than others!
If your child isn’t one that needs all those hours of caregiving cuz you can’t provide it, then I’d challenge parents to reassess their choices. Parents created this life (child), so the parents’ influence should be dominant in their lives. Children spending most of their waking hours getting ready for school, being at school then doing homework or extracurriculars and getting ready for school the next day, means that the parents’ weekly influence on the child is greatly minimized. It’s giving: it’s not my job to pay attention to you all day. (BTW, I def believe in creative support for parents, but the school system isn’t it).
The other part of this argument: some families truly need to use this resource--whether it's temporarily or for the long-haul. The rest of us that do not truly need it, must do a better job at intentionally raising our kids! Whether that's by engaging the system and making it a better place for all involved OR by opting out and making space for those that truly need it. This is where my altruistic-we're-all-interconnected-and-we-all-affect-one-another worldview comes in. We weren't put on this earth to just think of what works for us but to be in active brotherhood/sisterhood with all of humanity. The sooner we see how we treat our kids as sacred, the sooner we treat all kids as if they're our nieces/nephews, the sooner we heal these deep wounds in our society AND start producing healthy, well-rounded healers into the next generation.
3. For many parents, schools serve the same purpose as daycares and I think normalizing this is one of our gravest mistakes as a culture. It goes hand-in-hand w/ modern feminism pushing women to separate from their babies in order to stay ahead in their career.
Parenthood forces you to face yourself, improve yourself, rise to the occasion. I believe that daycares and schools (state-funded daycares) are totally opportunities to escape that. However, since it’s seen as a completely normal and acceptable thing to send your kids to both places, it’s impact —stunting your growth as a parent and person, limiting your relationship to your kids — isn’t obvious to most parents. I think the decision to homeschool in our modern society is positive for that reason alone. It forges parents who can handle hard things, who act as that safe space for their kids, who is paying attention when they take risks, who keeps track of what’s going on, who is noting down subtle changes or things to look out for, who is familiar w/ everyone their kids engage with. It’s an act of defiance against the machine that prioritizes riches and power over humanity.
I genuinely believe that —in this day and age —homeschool child-rearing must be superior to public school child-rearing. Of course, this hinges on heaving a healthy homeschool parent —but, if there were ever a reason to get your head on straight, being responsible for raising your kid well is probably the best and definitely the most worthy reason on Earth!
4. Public schools rules/regulations/standards/goals are not determined with much parental input. This is where that good old controversial curriculum comes in. It's where parents fight about critical race theory. It's the whole pledge of allegiance debate. Its the bathroom argument. When kids are at school, they’re not only learning a bunch of ideas that you may/may not agree with, they’re also being taught how to think/act —what thoughts and feelings are acceptable, how to orient yourself to authority, what instincts you should follow and which to suppress, how to see certain people groups, where they fall in the hierarchy of society, etc. If you have certain beliefs about how the world works and they, in any way differ from your child’s daily school experience, I’d think twice about how much time I want them there absorbing it and having it psychologically and socially reinforced.
References: I went to public school my whole life. I've been a private K assistant, after school 'teacher' and daycare worker.
I was homeschooled K-12 and I honestly am really glad I didn’t have to deal with a traditional school environment as a kid. I’m going back to school now to finish my bachelors. I appreciate the fact that because I wasn’t exposed to traditional schooling young, I can sit back and notice the stuff in the system that’s BS without it actually impacting me emotionally. It’s important to know how to navigate systems, but I see people have their whole identity wrapped up in them sometimes and it can be very unhealthy.
Just another perspective on it to consider
I was homeschooled through 7th grade and then went to private schools. Both were mixed experiences. I enjoyed homeschooling more, but I think I was going to be miserable in high school either way and don't think it would have been better to have continued homeschooling.
I approve of homeschooling, and in many ways that's where my heart (and parenting style) are. But I've sent my oldest to public school for K and 1st, and plan to continue that unless it stops working well.
Reasons I wish I were homeschooling:
- school is too long
- school has too many screens
- school doesn't have enough recess
- he is ahead of his peers in math and reading despite joining the 2nd grade class for math
Reasons public school is still our default plan:
- we want to facilitate friendships with the neighborhood kids, who mostly go there
- it's supposedly a good school
- he seems to actually like it
- I have two younger kids at home and will probably have one more, and my husband and I both have marginal health, so I don't have any extra spoons right now
- he is pretty obstinate and dreamy; I'm tired of being the bad cop for even basic tasks, and would prefer to delegate that role for schoolwork rather than adding to my list of tasks to get him to do while he drags his feet. I feel like my relationship with my mother suffered for this reason when I was homeschooled.
But who knows what kids #2-4 will need. We will take it one year at a time. And it's nice to know that if school ever doesn't work out, whether due to bullying or special needs or another pandemic, homeschooling is always a backup plan that I already have some affinity and resources for.
I homeschool because I was a public school student.
We home educate/unschool after a short stint in school, and although my children are happy I just don't feel like it's a solution to the wider issue of building education that is respectful of children, that centres their rights and personhood, and is relevant to their daily lives. Not to put you off at all! We love this life, and it has worked for us so far. But I feel all sorts of ways about how we build a system that is viable for most people. Best of luck!
Is half public half homeschool a thing? We’re not at schooling age yet but we’re leaning towards homeschooling.
There are lots of hybrid programs out there. I don't have one near me but there are lots of co ops
Appreciated this post. My wife and I are believers in public education, and she currently teaches. But it's frustrating as a parent. Last year we really liked our school, then they closed a nearby-but-troubled school and sent the students over to us — which, great, we all want them to succeed. But our school has clearly been underprepared for the influx and now the entire thing is suffering. And then there's just the ordinary frustrations, like our kid's teacher ducking out for what seems like most of the year for a surgery — an understandable thing for the teacher, but also what do you do if you end up with a rotating cast of subs for months on end? It all starts adding up as you watch your kid becoming increasingly disengaged with their education. And I can only imagine what it's like for teachers in the actual trenches.