Finally! A Pregnancy Book About How to Develop Your Maternal Intuition

Carson Meyers' book, 'Growing Together,' is a week-to-week pregnancy guide that challenges you to go against your tribe, embrace uncertainty and even cultivate some empathy for your doctor(!?)

Most pregnancy books are bad.

I bought about 8 looking for something that would educate and also… inspire me? Many the books I read and abandoned, had no point of view. They collections of facts and data, problems to be solved, and growth charts that always related to fruit (“your baby is the size of a cumquat!”). On the other end of the spectrum were staunchly radical books about BIRTH. But birth was still so far away and I wanted to understand how to relate to this process that seized hold of my body and often made me feel like a passive participant.

I wish Carson Meyer’s book, Growing Together, was available then. I say that for two reasons.

First, her book hits the sweet spot between the mystical and practical elements of pregnancy. Where does a mother’s intuition fall between those two polarities? Is intuition some sort of divine whisper? Or is it the same ordinary wiring that prompts a pig to flop on her side after birth so her piglets can nurse? Whatever it is, Growing Together invites the reader to start exploring the unexplained sense of knowing what the motherbaby dyad needs to thrive.

The second reason is that Carson walks the walk. That is to say, she is a doula with ironclad principles and when she was approached by a Particular Formula Company to promote their product, she said no deal (you can read more about her decision below). This is the sort of integrity I revere in birthworkers and the kind of author I would I love to throw money at.

Enjoy our conversation that gets into ❤️‍🔥🔥 spicy territory ❤️‍🔥🔥 like how to go against your tribe, embrace uncertainty and even cultivate some empathy for your doctor(!?)

Watching Goats Give Birth, Turning on Your Primal Brain and Pissing off Your Tribe

Q: What’s your critique of most pregnancy books?

A: The most popular books on the market right now are very big on data and using the science of data analytics to help “problem solve” and make decisions but I think it's limiting. While I think data and research into birth can be valuable, I also believe it has great limitations.

In our attempts to control outcomes by relying entirely on a kind of data orthodoxy, we forget that we are spiritual beings. That each one of us is so different from the next and we're all going through birth and matrescence as an individual with different needs, different family dynamics, different bodies, different lived experiences. It’s something data can’t always capture.

Q: Why is your book different from all the other pregnancy books?

A: Growing Together, invites women to turn inward, to connect with their innate wisdom to find answers. Motherhood has long preceded modern research and I believe that research holds important value but should not be perceived as more valid than mothers instinct and intuition and we don't always need to be analyzing data to make confident decisions as parents. We can perform our own “studies” by checking in with ourselves, turning inward and getting in touch with the intuition and instincts that we all have.

Growing Together offers weekly activities to help learn (and unlearn), process and explore different topics and themes and situations within your own life that can help you get a little bit closer to your intuition.

Carson Meyer and her small mammal

Q. How did you find that sweet spot between the esoteric ~*moon girl vibes*~ and evidence based?

A: I wanted to create a more holistic picture that honored the sacredness of birth and talked about the emotional and spiritual components of it while also providing practical advice that's going to help women set themselves up for success. It includes everything from tips to find the right provider, what foods to be prioritizing, weekly rituals to help you connect to your pregnancy and develop an awareness of the ongoing connection between you and your baby. I also include lots of evidence based resources for parents to consider.

Q: What’s an example of an activity that helps cultivate a mother’s intuition?

A: I love the “Going Against the Tribe” activity. This activity helps you reflect on the discomfort of choosing differently. It invites you to look at yourself as a tribal being, wanting to fit in, to belong, and to notice where you’re afraid to break away from the group to follow your authentic path. It asks: What does it feel like in your body to go against the grain? What comes up for you if you act differently?

We often follow what our peers, sisters, or followers are doing. But parenting trends come and go. This activity helps you reflect on the discomfort of doing things your way.

Q: One of my favorite activities in the book is “Birth in the Wild,” where you suggest watching animals give birth on YouTube. What’s the value in that?

A: Essentially, we’re animals too and have a lot to learn from watching birth in the wild. Watching birth in nature is grounding and reassuring. It shows that birth doesn’t have to be a big, medicalized event. It happens spontaneously. Animals don’t take classes, read books—it’s pure instinct. I obviously believe in the value of classes and books (like mine!) but I love this chapter as a reminder not to overcomplicate birth with our human prefrontal cortex. Birth happens in our primal brains.

During my last pregnancy, there was a pair of doves nesting in my garden. The mother dove became a kind of touchstone for me. I’d think, Okay, she’s doing this too.

She wasn’t worrying about where she’d birth or what day the baby would come. She had the same primal instinct to keep her babies safe and feed them, just like we do.

A Good Doula Has Biases and Doctors Have Good Intentions

Q: How do you prepare clients for pushback in clinical settings?

A: That’s where the throat chakra activity comes in. It’s incredibly hard to voice your needs during such a vulnerable time, so we practice.

We look at any blocks around using our voice, especially when we fear judgment. But ultimately, the mom holds the power and choice over her body and baby.

I always remind my clients to ask their provider questions and stay curious. When we’re curious, we remember that providers usually have good intentions. They’re working within a system that includes policies, insurance, liability fears, and past traumas, all of which can limit how they show up.

They’re in their own tribe too.

Q: You’ve said that you have a “reverence for physiological birth,” does that make it hard for you to attend hospital births?

A: I actually find my role as a doula in a hospital or educating women having hospital birth to be very helpful. I have attended many beautiful and empowered hospital births. That said, I have also seen first-hand how broken the system can be and some pretty disheartening approaches to care that are not easy to navigate.

But I support women in all types of settings and with all different preferences. There are still many ways doula can support women who don’t choose physiological birth.

I did choose not to support hospital births during my pregnancy because I did not want my baby to be exposed to that environment. Sometimes you see things that'll break your heart like when a healthy baby's born and they're suctioning and stimulating violently and giving mom a fundal massage and she's screaming that she doesn't want one or need one. It’s not the way it has to be.

Q:Do you think there’s a tension in current doula culture where there’s a school of thought that doula should be empty of bias and emotionally supportive of whatever choice a mom wants to make and another school where a doula is viewed more as an advocate for physiological birth?

A: I don't think that having biases is bad or wrong. As humans, we're going to have them. It’s a little naive to think that we can completely cleanse ourselves of them. In fact, the passion and perspective around this work makes us become doulas.

As a doula, I have my own biases. But my biases should never inform somebody else's birth. I also believe there’s a doula for everyone. There’s doulas who only attend home births or free births. And then there's some who are there to support a mother in whatever they want.

Q: Is it a disservice to women if doulas refuse to attend hospital births?
A: No. I think there’s a doula for every mother and it is about finding the doula who can meet you where you are at. Someone planning an epidural or induction shouldn’t hire a freebirth birth keeper. It’s about the right match. Everyone is entitled to working in space they feel the most of service.

ccmeyer

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Freebirth, Formula, and (not) Selling Out

Q: There’s a lot of chatter online about freebirth—as a choice and as a prescription. Thoughts?

A: I have a lot of reverence and appreciation for the conversations around free birth.

Particularly, for the education that is emerging around free birth because it helps us normalize birth as a natural part of being a woman.

I also think that there's a lot of value in recognizing ourselves as sovereign beings who have this full autonomy to take control of our experience and our life and make choices for ourselves. However, I don't think freebirth it's the right choice for a lot of women and from my experience, most women I come across want support, be it a midwife, an OB, a doula, they want that. I don't think that free birth is the wide blanket solution to the issues we face around birth today. Women have been supported by other women since forever in birth and I believe we need more balance to embrace the best of both options.

Q You were approached by a formula company to promote their product and you turned down the offer. Why did you make that choice?

A: For these companies, every mother that stops breastfeeding is their financial gain. That’s why I don’t think it's ethical for to take money from formula companies. Saying. “Breast is best” has become so controversial, but this simple fact has been weaponized by formula peddlers to create division and manufacture fake mommy wars.

The U.S. has way too long and dark of a history when it comes to predatory formula marketing. We just can't mess around. What really informed my decision was seeing documentary The Milky Way. So much damage has been done already through predatory formula marketing. Social media is a completely new terrain and unregulated market for promoting everything. It’s not something to be taken lightly.

Q: What would you say to a new birth worker approached by formula companies, who believes they're supporting maternal mental health?

A: Stopping breastfeeding isn’t always the quick fix the solution to a mental health issue. It’s often a sign that the mother needs more support. It’s likely those struggles will manifest in other places which is why it is so important for her to get the real support she needs. If a client chooses to formula feed, I’ll help her navigate that, of course! But I won’t take money to promote formula. That doesn’t feel moral to me.

Combo feeding is often marketed as sustainable but usually leads to exclusive formula use. If that’s a mother’s choice, great—but we should be careful not to present formula as a balanced solution to someone who wants to breastfeed because it’s not always that simple.

I prefer to support women by helping them understand how breastfeeding can benefit their physical and mental health and of course the health of their child. I feel it is our role as a doula to help them feel prepared to navigate the major challenges that can come with breastfeeding. Man, breastfeeding is big work but beautiful work too!

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