Thank you for sharing my writing here. My hope is for women to see this and get an understanding of the foundational truth of what the medical system is-it is a system. It is based on procedure, it has does things according to how “things are done”-it is an organized framework of people and machines and policies that functions to make a profit and protect providers.
All of this before it is a place for your humanity to be recognized and your birth plan to be honored. If you experience those things, I am grateful for that and I know it does happen-but that is the exception, not the rule-and that is not only due to the fact of healthcare being a “policy and procedure” factory but also due to just the basic needs of the women and baby in a physiological birth, which the hospital setting just cannot provide due to it’s basic nature.
Emily, I experienced firsthand so many of the things you talked about in this post....the coercion with cervical exams and the staff focusing on the monitor more than me, being rushed and fearful...I finally wrote my son's birth story after almost 4 years. Even tho I thankfully had an uncomplicated birth in the end I left the hospital traumatized and devastated. And worse I had to learn how to trust myself and my body again. I felt like there was something wrong with me and I felt ashamed for the anger I felt, specifically towards the nurses who cared for me. I am incredibly grateful to have had a healing homebirth with my second baby. Thank you for sharing your experience from the inside ...it is so validating it know it's not just me. Thank you ❤️
I birthed five children, and only the first was in the hospital setting, with a doctor in attendance who was supremely patient and non-invasive.
This was in the 70’s, when the invasion on the mother’s territory was not so extreme, but even so, he was enough of a free birther (also willing to attend home births) that the medical association kicked him out and he lost his OB hospital privileges.
Hundreds of his patients/clients demonstrated in support to no avail. Without the option of attending births that might have to move to the hospital, he had to stop the obstetrics altogether, and my last home birth was with a nurse midwife attending, which was probably for the good, too.
Back then, so many of us were pushing back against the desecration, but any gains we made seem to have lasted only a generation. I was surprised to learn how super technical and complicated an uncomplicated birth had become, when with my daughters as they gave birth in hospitals, and saw them deal with various levels of management.
I am grateful to you younger women who are speaking out and resisting and protecting your own selves and families from this abuse, and I’m weeping for all the mothers and babies (and nurses) who continue to suffer in countless ways under this dreadful system.
Thank you for sharing. For those women (and / or their skeptical partners) seeking reassurance about leaving the medical system for their births, this is a powerful summary and tool for contemplation. I hope many families benefit from this writing.
Emily thank you for sharing this perspective from the “inside”. I remember my first ob appt when I first was pregnant. I was trying to understand how it worked and who (which doctor) would be attending me. OB explained I didn’t get to choose this it would be whoever is working that day, possibly a person I’ve not met. (I had imagined before then I’d meet with a Dr at regular checkups and that person , who I had gotten to know, would be there at my baby’s birth)
Anyway I was pretty clueless but I asked a question something like what if baby is born in middle of night? Who would be called in?
The ob laughed and said, “well not many babies are born in middle of the night these days!”
I asked her to clarify (don’t babies just come when they come? Why was my assumption that my baby might be born during the night funny?)
She kind of brushed me off but I see from your essay that the “ideal” is to provide treatments so baby is ready to be born in the morning when doc is in.
I went home from that appt, called a midwife and had my baby at home.
Which is so funny because when things are allowed to progress naturally, more babies than not are born at night! I’m so glad you had your realizations while still pregnant and were able to find care you felt comfortable with and have your babe at home! ♥️
Another powerful and insightful piece as always Emily! Although my experience in the hospital giving birth to my first was fantastic all told, my experience with OBs has been awful. It’s made me more firm in my belief that a homebirth is the way to go for my second delivery. I want to birth in peace and not have one of the most beautiful moments of my life turn into a battle zone because of providers who don’t respect me or respect birth.
Hospital staff: "We need to check you so we know where you're at."
Me: "Just trust that I know it's time to push."
And then I proceeded to push out a 10 lb. 4 oz. boy in as instinctive and natural a way as I possibly could in the hospital. Best birth ever. (Note: this was my 6th out of 8 babies, 3 of which were c/sections and 5 v/bacs.) I totally get why many women prefer to birth at home. I'm so glad people are noticing this about hospitals and their mechanistic way of delivering babies and not respecting that this is a natural process for women.
Thank you for sharing this story! I especially appreciate these sorts of stories from women who have had many babies like yourself! I will never forget my first birth, walking into labor and delivery in transition, and the nurse telling me “oh honey, it’s gonna be awhile” because I wasn’t moaning or yelling and just thinking she was crazy. It wasn’t until they got their measurement that they believed me.
I am lucky to live in New Zealand, where we have a midwife-led maternity system. Most births are still in hospitals, but home birth is normal and accessible to most women. My own mother gave birth to 5 of her 6 children at home. When I birthed my daughter into the world at the ripe old age of 23, I chose to do so at home, with my midwife and my mother. I am so glad that I did, as my daughter is my only child. While my birth was an ordeal, it was a powerful experience I wouldn't trade for anything.
While pregnant I filled my head with all sorts of information about birthing and hospitals and all the rest. I was a member of la leche league and home birth groups. While I've moved on into a new chapter of mothering an almost-teenager, what I learned has informed my worldview for life.
I hope all mothers will one day get to experience birth as a normal and powerful experience, with our life-saving medical system there on standby if they need it, not screaming at their faces when they don't.
This absolutely WRECKS my heart and sickens my stomach. I've heard a little bit of what goes on in hospital births, but nothing of this extent. Thank you for listening to that intuition and having the courage to quit. You are making a difference in this space.
I’ve had three births with a CPM outside of a hospital setting.
I started bleeding with my last baby at 16 weeks (baby was miscarried)-- late enough that my midwife told me to go to the hospital rather than try to pass the body at home, and I was legitimately scared to go just because I've heard so many horror stories.
I was legitimately surprised that I wasn't treated like a slab of meat (it possibly helped that I went through the ER instead of the OB office).
Every woman I know who's birthed in a hospital has a horror story. All of them. It's ridiculous.
I’m sorry about your loss, Emily, and glad to hear they treated you well. It is a sad state that we are in that many women feel apprehensive about seeking medical care when they deem it necessary and appropriate themselves.
I wish more mothers-to-be would believe this about hospital births! I’ve never experienced one but I wouldn’t wish one on anyone (medical emergencies excepted, of course.) Thank you for writing this!
Thank you, Emily, for this testimony of horrors, of the system.
It pisses me off as human being and man, that women in their most powerful and vulnerable state are treated no better than and actually worse than a farm animal giving birth.
You are correct that there are situations where emergent care is needed, but in a system that on the whole sees women and their babies as chattel and has a "no one will know...they can't feel it anyway...what are they going to do about it" attitude - this borders on obtuse, learned sadism.
I'm sure there are many women out there who will push back and say, "but my experience was perfect", good for you. However, they didn't live and see these atrocities (and that's what they are) everyday, as you did. This is what happens when those giving the "care" never have to experience it themselves.
I have such respect for you Emily, as well as your work and life walk. Thank you for all you do!!
I don't work in L&D but as a nurse I knew I'd never be able to birth in the hospital system. With my first, I dreamt that I had to be transferred to the hospital and I left AMA. Which is funny because I did end up threatening to sign out AMA after my birth at a birth house. My 2nd baby was an en caul birth on the bathroom floor with a midwife. At work, all the other nurses think I'm insane for giving birth at home but you outline the horrors I can see so clearly. I never knew about the medical students and exams on unconscious patients. That literally makes me sick to my stomach. As it should, because it is assault.. And what's the solution? You scribble in "no students to touch me" on a generalized consent form?
Thank you for sharing my writing here. My hope is for women to see this and get an understanding of the foundational truth of what the medical system is-it is a system. It is based on procedure, it has does things according to how “things are done”-it is an organized framework of people and machines and policies that functions to make a profit and protect providers.
All of this before it is a place for your humanity to be recognized and your birth plan to be honored. If you experience those things, I am grateful for that and I know it does happen-but that is the exception, not the rule-and that is not only due to the fact of healthcare being a “policy and procedure” factory but also due to just the basic needs of the women and baby in a physiological birth, which the hospital setting just cannot provide due to it’s basic nature.
Emily, I experienced firsthand so many of the things you talked about in this post....the coercion with cervical exams and the staff focusing on the monitor more than me, being rushed and fearful...I finally wrote my son's birth story after almost 4 years. Even tho I thankfully had an uncomplicated birth in the end I left the hospital traumatized and devastated. And worse I had to learn how to trust myself and my body again. I felt like there was something wrong with me and I felt ashamed for the anger I felt, specifically towards the nurses who cared for me. I am incredibly grateful to have had a healing homebirth with my second baby. Thank you for sharing your experience from the inside ...it is so validating it know it's not just me. Thank you ❤️
I birthed five children, and only the first was in the hospital setting, with a doctor in attendance who was supremely patient and non-invasive.
This was in the 70’s, when the invasion on the mother’s territory was not so extreme, but even so, he was enough of a free birther (also willing to attend home births) that the medical association kicked him out and he lost his OB hospital privileges.
Hundreds of his patients/clients demonstrated in support to no avail. Without the option of attending births that might have to move to the hospital, he had to stop the obstetrics altogether, and my last home birth was with a nurse midwife attending, which was probably for the good, too.
Back then, so many of us were pushing back against the desecration, but any gains we made seem to have lasted only a generation. I was surprised to learn how super technical and complicated an uncomplicated birth had become, when with my daughters as they gave birth in hospitals, and saw them deal with various levels of management.
I am grateful to you younger women who are speaking out and resisting and protecting your own selves and families from this abuse, and I’m weeping for all the mothers and babies (and nurses) who continue to suffer in countless ways under this dreadful system.
Thank you for sharing. For those women (and / or their skeptical partners) seeking reassurance about leaving the medical system for their births, this is a powerful summary and tool for contemplation. I hope many families benefit from this writing.
Emily thank you for sharing this perspective from the “inside”. I remember my first ob appt when I first was pregnant. I was trying to understand how it worked and who (which doctor) would be attending me. OB explained I didn’t get to choose this it would be whoever is working that day, possibly a person I’ve not met. (I had imagined before then I’d meet with a Dr at regular checkups and that person , who I had gotten to know, would be there at my baby’s birth)
Anyway I was pretty clueless but I asked a question something like what if baby is born in middle of night? Who would be called in?
The ob laughed and said, “well not many babies are born in middle of the night these days!”
I asked her to clarify (don’t babies just come when they come? Why was my assumption that my baby might be born during the night funny?)
She kind of brushed me off but I see from your essay that the “ideal” is to provide treatments so baby is ready to be born in the morning when doc is in.
I went home from that appt, called a midwife and had my baby at home.
Which is so funny because when things are allowed to progress naturally, more babies than not are born at night! I’m so glad you had your realizations while still pregnant and were able to find care you felt comfortable with and have your babe at home! ♥️
Another powerful and insightful piece as always Emily! Although my experience in the hospital giving birth to my first was fantastic all told, my experience with OBs has been awful. It’s made me more firm in my belief that a homebirth is the way to go for my second delivery. I want to birth in peace and not have one of the most beautiful moments of my life turn into a battle zone because of providers who don’t respect me or respect birth.
Hospital staff: "We need to check you so we know where you're at."
Me: "Just trust that I know it's time to push."
And then I proceeded to push out a 10 lb. 4 oz. boy in as instinctive and natural a way as I possibly could in the hospital. Best birth ever. (Note: this was my 6th out of 8 babies, 3 of which were c/sections and 5 v/bacs.) I totally get why many women prefer to birth at home. I'm so glad people are noticing this about hospitals and their mechanistic way of delivering babies and not respecting that this is a natural process for women.
Thank you for sharing this story! I especially appreciate these sorts of stories from women who have had many babies like yourself! I will never forget my first birth, walking into labor and delivery in transition, and the nurse telling me “oh honey, it’s gonna be awhile” because I wasn’t moaning or yelling and just thinking she was crazy. It wasn’t until they got their measurement that they believed me.
Thank you for reading, Melisa ♥️
I am lucky to live in New Zealand, where we have a midwife-led maternity system. Most births are still in hospitals, but home birth is normal and accessible to most women. My own mother gave birth to 5 of her 6 children at home. When I birthed my daughter into the world at the ripe old age of 23, I chose to do so at home, with my midwife and my mother. I am so glad that I did, as my daughter is my only child. While my birth was an ordeal, it was a powerful experience I wouldn't trade for anything.
While pregnant I filled my head with all sorts of information about birthing and hospitals and all the rest. I was a member of la leche league and home birth groups. While I've moved on into a new chapter of mothering an almost-teenager, what I learned has informed my worldview for life.
I hope all mothers will one day get to experience birth as a normal and powerful experience, with our life-saving medical system there on standby if they need it, not screaming at their faces when they don't.
This absolutely WRECKS my heart and sickens my stomach. I've heard a little bit of what goes on in hospital births, but nothing of this extent. Thank you for listening to that intuition and having the courage to quit. You are making a difference in this space.
I’ve had three births with a CPM outside of a hospital setting.
I started bleeding with my last baby at 16 weeks (baby was miscarried)-- late enough that my midwife told me to go to the hospital rather than try to pass the body at home, and I was legitimately scared to go just because I've heard so many horror stories.
I was legitimately surprised that I wasn't treated like a slab of meat (it possibly helped that I went through the ER instead of the OB office).
Every woman I know who's birthed in a hospital has a horror story. All of them. It's ridiculous.
I’m sorry about your loss, Emily, and glad to hear they treated you well. It is a sad state that we are in that many women feel apprehensive about seeking medical care when they deem it necessary and appropriate themselves.
I wish more mothers-to-be would believe this about hospital births! I’ve never experienced one but I wouldn’t wish one on anyone (medical emergencies excepted, of course.) Thank you for writing this!
Brilliant, resonates so much.
Amazing piece! True insight into the maternity system, from the inside. I knew hospital protocols and convenience trumped women’s wellbeing. So sad.
Thank you, Emily, for this testimony of horrors, of the system.
It pisses me off as human being and man, that women in their most powerful and vulnerable state are treated no better than and actually worse than a farm animal giving birth.
You are correct that there are situations where emergent care is needed, but in a system that on the whole sees women and their babies as chattel and has a "no one will know...they can't feel it anyway...what are they going to do about it" attitude - this borders on obtuse, learned sadism.
I'm sure there are many women out there who will push back and say, "but my experience was perfect", good for you. However, they didn't live and see these atrocities (and that's what they are) everyday, as you did. This is what happens when those giving the "care" never have to experience it themselves.
I have such respect for you Emily, as well as your work and life walk. Thank you for all you do!!
I don't work in L&D but as a nurse I knew I'd never be able to birth in the hospital system. With my first, I dreamt that I had to be transferred to the hospital and I left AMA. Which is funny because I did end up threatening to sign out AMA after my birth at a birth house. My 2nd baby was an en caul birth on the bathroom floor with a midwife. At work, all the other nurses think I'm insane for giving birth at home but you outline the horrors I can see so clearly. I never knew about the medical students and exams on unconscious patients. That literally makes me sick to my stomach. As it should, because it is assault.. And what's the solution? You scribble in "no students to touch me" on a generalized consent form?
I wish I didn't have to have a hospital birth, but I've had preeclampsia with my last two so I'm too high risk :(
omg so triggering reading this. I can only ever imagine a homebirth as close to a freebirth as possible