The Depressing Similarities Between 'Fed is Best' and 'All Lives Matter'

Just as the phrase 'Black Lives Matter' was born out of a widespread societal injustice, so did the slogan 'Breast is Best'. Their two counter slogans derail their powerful critiques.

Jan 19, 2023

This is our last week of free, wild, uncut content! If you dig what we do then we ask you to aggressively consider upgrading to a paid subscription for less than the cost of a Starbucks Pink Drink. Or share this with your favorite braless fire breathing, matriarch.

Upgrade to paid

You likely wince when someone utters the phrase “All Lives Matter.” It reveals, at best, the person saying the phrase has a naive, socially ignorant understanding of race relations and is offering a kumbaya sentiment that derails a critique about structural racism.

At worst, they’re in a white nationalist militia.

Let’s focus on the dynamics of the former because, for me, there are so many similarities between saying ‘All Lives Matter’ and 'Fed is Best’.

My hope is that ‘Fed is Best’ will eventually shed its ‘Something We Can All Agree On’ veneer and reveal itself for what it is: an insulting phrase that devalues women.

Both phrases deserve to be taboo.

A quick re-cap then on this corollary.

The slogan Black Lives Matter is a simple way to critique multiple societal systems that have devalue Black lives.

Here’s just one example: when it comes to policing, Black lives are cheap. The amount of man hours used to investigate, solve, and litigate the murder of black men is pennies on the dollar compared to white murder victims. In her book Ghettoside, crime journalist Jill Leovy argues that impunity for the murder of black men remains America’s great and largely ignored race problem. Leovy spent time reporting on police, lawyers, and community members who made Black lives expensive.

All lives SHOULD matter. To say “Black Lives Matter” is a reminder that they often do not.

And just as the phrase Black Lives Matter was born out of a widespread societal injustice, so did the slogan Breast is Best.

Thanks to the medicalization of birth, women working in factories during World Wars, industrialized baby food production and advertising, breastfeeding came to be regarded as primitive, time-consuming, and a little bit disgusting

By 1972, only 22% of new mothers even bothered to initiate breastfeeding.

Mothers galvanized through the women’s movement of the 1970s formed a subgroup known for championing ‘Natural Motherhood’ and they were able to cut through all the societal scorn with one gentle phrase: Breast is best.

Breastfeeding moms in 1976 via Badass Breastfeeder

Women have one powerful phrase to defend their bodies against the coercive forces that pressures them to stop breastfeeding. And those forces are:

Capitalism that only values women via their contribution to the labor market and views children as an inefficient burden to be managed. Why break your back pumping and nursing during an 8 hour day when you can use formula? To that we say: Breast is Best.

Consumerism that values convenience above all else and encourages women to buy gadgets and “stuff” so they shop their way out of any motherhood frustration. Formula companies know this and target new moms with bullshit marketing claims disguised as feeding advice and support. To that we say: Breast is Best.

Misogyny that has sexualized women’s bodies so thoroughly that breasts are thought of as objects for male pleasure than for infant nutrition. It’s this pervasive view that pushes women to cover up or formula feed in public instead of breastfeeding. To that we say: Breast is Best.

Breast is Best is a radical pushback against all these systems.

That’s why the rejoinder, “ALL BABIES DESERVE TO EAT!!!!!” (ie Fed is Best) is so infuriating.

Of course, OF COURSE, in the purest sense whatever promotes connection and well being (nourished, rested, mentally and emotionally) of the mom/baby dyad is best. However, “fed is best” is used as a manipulative catch phrase by practitioners and formula advertisers to sidestep support for breastfeeding.

Further, the phrase whittles down a critique against systems of oppression to just one issue: a nutritional product. ‘Fed is Best’ ignores the mental and emotional and connective benefits to the breastfeeding mom. Framing it only as “feeding” eliminates the onus to support a mother in the breastfeeding relationship.

Similarly to ‘All Lives Matter’, ‘Fed is Best’ is an attempt to peacefully end a false debate. The opposing sides are not Black lives versus white lives, they are Black lives and the systems that devalue them.

The opposing sides are not formula feeding moms versus breastfeeding moms, they bodies and the systems that only see their value as workers, consumers, sex objects and demands they live their lives accordingly. While women choose to formula feed because of health issues or personal preference, there are also millions of women who end up using formula because they have been victimized by these rapacious systems.

Both these phrases, ‘All Lives Matter’ and ‘Fed is Best’ deny the context of the larger culture. People say ‘Black Lives Matter’ because the culture is constantly signaling that Black lives don't matter. And while lactation consultants and baby friendly hospitals may urge breastfeeding, the larger culture is constantly sending messages to women that breastfeeding is too hard and not worth the long term effort. That for the sake of their mental health, they should quit breastfeeding. When, I ask you, in this clown world society have for-profit corporations ever given a flying fuck about women’s ‘mental health?’ Only when there’s money to be made.

‘Breast is Best’ is not a statement about formula feeding moms. It is not an accusation against formula feeding moms. It is not a reprimand or a way to shame. Nevertheless, any social media post about exclusive breastfeeding invariably has a thread of women breathlessly commenting “Fed is Best!”. Ascribing a negative meaning to breastfeeding content where none exists does not bring that meaning into being. As a law professor wrote to a student who took issue with her Black Lives Matter shirt: “Things in the world have meanings that exist outside of you.”

What does it reveal about a mother who uses the phrase ‘Fed is Best’?

The tenor of the “Fed is Best” commentariat does reveal a wellspring of hurt and anger, but at who? Who are they really mad at? La Leche league? The lactation consultant?

It seems like a classic example of the psychological term: displacement.

Displacement is a psychological defense mechanism in which a person redirects a negative emotion from its original source to a less threatening recipient. A classic example of the defense is displaced aggression. If a person is angry but cannot direct their anger toward the source without consequences, they might "take out" their anger on a person or thing that poses less of a risk.

We are told motherhood is sacrosanct but there is no guarantee of paid maternity. If a mom needs to pump her breast milk while she’s out of the house then she’ll need to do it in a bathroom where people piss and shit. A handful of corporations hold a monopoly on infant formula which is in short supply and can poison your baby. Quality day care costs as much as a mortgage payment. Want flexibility so you can spend time with your helpless infant? Try the gig economy, where the hours are few and the benefits are nil. Roe versus Wade is gone. Thanks to the unyielding tide of gun violence, our school aged children are now participants in a murder lottery.

So, again, who are you actually mad at when you see the phrase Breast is Best? What is actually taking a toll on your mental health? Who is actually making you feel shame? What if that feeling is actually something more like powerlessness? And who is profiting the most from it?

Radical Moms Union

Discussion about this post